Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
