I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
