I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
