Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
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He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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