Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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