here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
