I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
