The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
