I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
