He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
