Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
