What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
