I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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