I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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