the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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