So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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