He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
