When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
