Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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