OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
