I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
