it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
