My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
