No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
