Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
