1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
