i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
