The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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