i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
