he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.