the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n