I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.