maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.