What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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