Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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