I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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