everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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