I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
