I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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