I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
