I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
