dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you told grandpa to call you daddy
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
