Sponge bath it is.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
