Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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