I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
