Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
