Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
