I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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