I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I love having hate sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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