why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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