dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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