no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
