she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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