I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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