i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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