Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize