I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
