She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
