So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
