We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
