After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I pour the whiskey from now on
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
