Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
