he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize