I think i peed on brittanys purse
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
