I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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